Some funny stories

 1.A Policeman And A ReporterCountry Policeman (at the scene of murder) : "You can't come in here"
Reporter : "But I've been sent to do the murder"
Country Policeman : "Well, you're too late; the murder's been done".
2.Time

"Don't you agree that Time is the greatest healer ?"

"He may be, but he's certainly no beauty specialist"

3.Flattering

Critic : "Ah! And what is this ? It is superb! What soul! What expression!"

Artist : "Yeah ? That's where I clear the paint off my brushes".

4.Why Do They Have French Lesson?

"What's the idea of the Greens having French lessons ?"
"They have adopted a French baby, and want to understand what she says when she begins to talk".

5. Shrewish Ladies

I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large woman came in, talking in an interesting accent.
So I said, “Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?”
One of them snarled at me, “It’s Wales dumbo!”
So I corrected myself, “Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?” 
That’s about as far as I remember.